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April 9th, 2005

11:55 pm
School today went pretty good. I'm all caught up and I finished the lab on my own cuz it was a lotta work. Just got done with it. The last program we had to write in C++ was a real bitch, but I figured it out all on my lonesome! I'm so proud of myself for that one. It's one of those problems you solve and you amaze yourself. Coolness.

So besides that, I'm about to beat GOW for the 2nd time. Damn I wish that game were longer. The 1st time through took me 10hrs of play time. This time it's taken me about 6.

The shower is tomorrow, which really pisses me off because I want to watch the race. Fucking shower. Oh well..Tracy was lookin at the registry and people have bought some really expensive shit from it.

I took a nap today which was pretty cool. Then woke up to Tracy watching Van Helsing. Worst. Movie. Ever.

So today's been a good day. Still a little concerned about the financial stuff and a couple things in general, like job stuff. But I have friends and family, thoughts, prayers, and faith. Don't really need much more than that. I worry too much about financial stuff. I was born without a dime to my name, and when I die I won't be needing any money...I'm sure some of the people in the world with the biggest bank accounts are really the poorest when you think about it. Jesus himself said it'd be easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a wealthy person to enter the kingdom of God.

I truly believe that most of the meaning of life is simply love. Learning love and solving daily problems. Which I guess my philosophy is why I look back on my life and feel fucking terrible about some of the things I've done.

Let me tell you about one of the worst. There was a guy, Matt Z. This Matt guy wasn't quite retarded, but he was the fat, ugly, stupid kid that nobody seemed to like. He was on my baseball team one summer in middle school or so. He was being stupid and swinging a bat in the dugout...well, he swung the motherfucker and caught my ass right in the eye. So...later I found him and beat his ass. It's one of the worst things I think I've ever done. I've seriously considered hunting him down today and asking forgiveness. It's things like this that make me feel absolutely terrible. I hate that I've blatantly hurt people I've encountered in my life. And I feel bad for the people I've unintentionally hurt. This story is one of the things in my life I wish I could take back. Badly. I pray for Matt sometimes...I hope he's found his way and wish him only the best.

Well, enough rambling and babbling. I'll post tomorrow night after our shows and the shower and all the bullshit. Take care everyone!

I'm Hungry.

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April 8th, 2005

10:19 pm - it's a good life
Quite a lot has happened since last posting. Ryan and Carolyn spent a couple nights here. We went mini golfing and played video games on wednesday, I won at minigolf! Ryan won 4600 ticket things at games, got Tracy an elephant, and gave 3600 of em to some little girl, so that's cool of him. I'm done not liking him for stupid reasons. Him and Carolyn go together really well. I like Carolyn...those two are perfect for each other...which oddly, they're a lot like me and Tracy.

So today was spent cleaning and doing dishes and taking care of the aftermath. It was nice having people around so I wasn't so bored. I think it's cool that Carolyn is moving up here too. They can get a place and have all our stuff that we won't need after the wedding shower this sunday. I felt kinda bad for them cuz she had to leave today. God knows I know damn well how bad goodbyes suck.

So I beat GOW. That is one cool game. It's a little depressing now that I don't have any games to play. That is one cool game though.

We actually got a solicitor at our apartment tonight, so that was new...another story altogether. I wanted to beat her to death with her own shoes.

I finally got caught up with all my schoolwork, so that's going well. And Autumn Cashmere called back today to call me in for a 2nd interview for next thursday. I hope that goes well, I NEED this job. I want it and I need it. So if any prayers can be spared, please help me.

I sure hope our financial situation gets smoothed over. We'll be ok after I get a job. A credit card bill has a minimum payment of half of what our monthly rent is...and we can't afford it, so that's bad. We need to get that under control if we're ever gonna be able to move out of here. I hate owing people money. Or anything for that matter.

I'm kinda ancy about the wedding shower. I don't wanna go. But I must. Hopefully I can find a quiet corner and watch the race. That'd be cool.

There was LOTS of sex going on in our apartment last night.

I need to go get laundry and will probably head to bed soon. I'm tired and gotta get up for school in the morning. I'll probably post again tomorrow about stuff I forgot about here. Overall, today was a good day. Just worried about financial stuff and praying I get this job.


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April 4th, 2005

01:08 pm - I am the god of fuck
So go see Sin City. Trust me on this one, it's a damn good movie. We saw it on saturday. I loved how the whole movie was like reading a comic book. I'm a big comic book dork, so that's cool. Everyone should go see it.

I just got back from an interview at Autumn Cashmere. It went really well. The guy (Robert) and me just basically bullshitted for forever, talked about work stuff, and bullshitted inbetween. He said that they'd definitely call me back for another interview. On the way out though, some girl showed up for an interview and didn't even know where she was. At least I take the time before an interview to learn a little about the company.

Soooo...I'm sittin there playin God of War for ps2 and thinkin...DAMN this game is sweet. Cuz I just said so. Even if DMC3 wasn't so hard, GOW would still be better. There, I said it. DMC3 was a really cool game, but GOW is just fucking awesome. The guys that made that game did everything right, from cutscenes with boobies, to load times, music, effects, controls...I think it's about as close to as perfect a game as it can get.

I was lookin up stuff like a lot of people have since the pope died. And I decided that after Tracy and I go to Australia, we'll go to Italy and see cool stuff like the Vatican. I'd die to see the vatican and the Louvre. It'd be so sweet to gaze upon works by Da Vinci and Michelangelo with my own eyes.

I think this poster of Capt. Jack Sparrow is cool, but I'm not sure I agree with the placement of it on the wall right by my side of the bed. Of all the celebrities though, I think I'd really like to meet Johnny Depp. He just seems so interesting and the type that'd never be in his own ass.

Another thing to do is check out wickedmerlot's journal. I think that "everyone has more sex than me" thing is great. Wish I could do animation like that.

Tony finished 3rd yesterday! He did an awesome job. Too bad Dale Jr's pit crew fucked Tony over so he couldn't get in his pit box and lost around 15 positions. Then he got spun out and I thought it was the end for Tony, but he recovered PERFECTLY and moved back up to finish 3rd. So basically, if those two things wouldn't of happened, I think it'd be VERY safe to say he'd of won. Dale Jr. finished 4th I think...plus he's in every commercial during a race. I'm so fucking sick of him. I think his dad'd beat his ass if sr. were still alive. Can't race so he's hawking vitamins and razors and whatever else. Talk about a fucking sellout. I don't get how girls think he's hot either. He looks like a fucking rat. He's the kinda guy that probably got picked on a lot growing up. I hate him. While I'm on the evil subject of hate...I hate Paris Hilton too. I'm sick of seeing her fake ass. I'd love to catch her alone in a dark alley...I'd SO jaw jack her. I hate how she looks, how she acts, her stupid fake smile...so basically she's my new object of celebrity hatred.

Tracy gets off work in about an hour, then we getta spend a couple days together. I need to catch up on school work this week though. I missed the C++ class cuz the alarm was set for pm instead of am, don't you fucking hate when that happens? Life goes on though.

In other life news, I did get hired at radioshack. They expect me to be there for a meeting in an hour, but they'll be expecting for a long time. I answered the phone cuz it was ringing while I was unlocking the door upon return for my interview. I figured it was Tracy seeing how the interview went, but it was that lady from radioshack bitching at me for having school on saturday instead of having my first day of working there. Mind you, this is less than 1 day after they "hired" me. I won't say I got hired though, because that implies I took the job, which I didn't and will not.

I REALLY do want the job at autumn cashmere though. The hours and pay are perfect and judging by the people there I talked to and what the work'll be like, I'd love it. It's kinda like the job I've been looking for. So based on that, if you're reading this, please pray for my success in the matter. I would REALLY appreciate it. Thanks! I promise I pray for all you crazies who read this all the time cuz I love all of you. And you'd hafta be crazy to have an interest in my life. I can use the prayers, so thanks if you can spare them. I know there's a lot of people out there with greater needs, but I need some help here.

That's enough for now. I'll be back inna couple days or whatever. Take care everybody!

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April 2nd, 2005

06:41 pm
1. What time is it? 6:35pm
2. Name as it appears on birth certificate? Marcus William Miller
3. Nicknames? Dub, Marc (immediate family ONLY), and stuff Tracy calls me
4. Piercing? nope
5. What is the most recent movie you've seen in the theater? Sin City (was really good)
6. Eye Color? Brown
7. Place of birth? Broken Bow, Nebraska
8. Favorite foods? italian, italian chicken, and (sadly) junk food
9. Ever been to Africa? nope...been near it though
10. Ever been toilet papering? several times
12. Been in a car accident? a couple times
13. Croutons or bacon bits? both!
14. Favorite day of the week? hmmm...thursday!
15. Favorite restaurant? Chili's and Outback
16. Favorite flower? bleeding hearts
17. Favorite sport to watch? FOOTBALL (raiders n huskers)
18. Favorite drink? Bud Light
19. Favorite ice cream? Phish Food
20. Disney or Warner Brothers? depends on what type of movie
21. Favorite fast food restaurant? not Wendy's, I don't eat people.
22. What color is your bedroom carpet? beige
23. How many times did you fail your driver's test? failed the written part once
24. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? some bulk mail shit or something
25. Which store would you max out your credit card? amazon, hastings bookstore, borders...
26. What do you do most often when you are bored? fuck off on the internet or play videogames
27. Bedtime: lately it's been between 1-4am
28. Who will respond to this the quickest? nobody
29. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? nobody'll respond to it
30. Favorite TV Shows? Extreme Makeover Home Edition, Impossible Heists, Chappelle Show, Robot Chicken, Celebrity Fit Club, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Family Guy
31. Last person you went to dinner with? Tracy
32. Ford or Chevy? My Pontiac. But Tony Stewart does drive the #20 Home Depot Chevy
33. What are you listening to right now? Tracy
34. What is your favorite color? Black, although not technically a color.
35. Lake, Ocean or river? Ocean
36. How many tattoos do you have? 3...my name, an angel, and a devil
37. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? I don't fucking care
38. What's your favorite sex fantasy? same thing every guy wants...a threeway...or lesbians or something.
39. Ever sucked a dick? nope
40. Age when you lost your virginity? 21
41. Ever stuck it in the butt? I joke about it a lot, but no.
42. Favorite book? Wow...the first 4 dark tower books, bag of bones, and there's a couple more but I can't think right now
43. What annoys you most? fake people (raych knows), dishonest people, and sometimes Diego
44. Where's the place you go to get away from it all? I don't have one now, but typically a city park or something.
45. A country you'd like to visit? Australia (again), Italy
46. Will this quiz ever end? Let's hope so
47. What's the most beautiful thing in the world to you? Tracy, the sunset right now, sunsets and rises in general, thunderstorms, waterfalls, all kindsa nature stuff. The world is a beautiful place
48. If you could be a celebrity, who would it be? Johnny Depp or a younger Sean Connery, maybe Sully Erna
49. What celebrity would you absolutely not want to be? Sarah Jessica Parker
50. What time did you finish this? 6:41pm

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April 1st, 2005

12:20 am - The procrasination meeting has been postponed.
Well, something very cool in my life finally happened. Tracy broke down and we had a threeway with a girl she works with. Talk about fucking hot. Maybe we'll be able to do it again soon. I think all of us thoroughly enjoyed it. APRIL FOOLS MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Not much for news in my boring life. Got everything ready for an interview tomorrow morining. I hope I finally get a job. This one would be as a management job, so that'd be cool. My only bitch is that the place is like, 20 miles away.

VB & GUI class tonight wasn't so bad. Still hafta do homework for C++, but I'll handle that tomorrow. I'm pissed I got an 86 as a homework grade in my math class. I gave like, 5 or 6 examples of something, and the instructor didn't like 2, so I got an 86. Other people were putting deranged thoughts and stupid shit on there and did fine. So I'm pissed about it.

So the Shiavo lady died. Speakin of which, south park last night went WAY too far with that shit. Ok. I kinda think that the family and the husband (who had a girlfriend and kids with the gf in the past 15 years) should've found a more solid legal result before all this. I'm kinda glad it's over and she's at peace though. Too bad a more human way couldn't of been found. I guess the autopsy will tell more. The pope is prolly gonna die. I'm Catholic and I think he's been a very good pope, but he's 84 and has been pope the longest of all of the em, and I think it's about time. I just wish him to be free of his ailing body and hang out with God for forever. I think it'll be interesting seeing what happens after he moves on though. I'm a proud Catholic, but I don't agree with some of their standings. I linger on the fence about the death penalty, I am anti-abortion (woman's choice my ass...she chose to fuck, she can choose to adopt), and I think birth control is cool, but I just can't adopt all the ideas.

So I finished DMC3 and I still have some lingering questions about the story, but I figure it's all good. I was kinda hoping Sparda would show up and see Dante and Vergil...that woulda been ripshit cool. I also started GOW. Talk about fuckin cool. Only problem is that some of the problem stuff can be challenging and I'm still used to DMC3.

So, Happy April Fool's. Hope your fooling goes well. It's not like anyone besides Tracy and maybe Raych read this anyway, but hope they have a good day. Hard to believe it's april already.

Diego is cool, he likes to be our personal alarm clock at 10:30 every morning. He'll start putting his paws on our faces and licking and nuzzling our faces to wake us up. Kinda sad cuz I know he needs a friend and I know Tracy wants a dog, but we're not allowed to have a dog and I just hope we can find a way to make Tracy and Diego happy.

Anyway, since it's not like anyone reads this, I guess I won't apologize for being long or boring. So, I guess that's about it.

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March 29th, 2005

03:42 pm - Who farted?
Let's see...haven't updated since sunday...

Tracy and me both got sick today. I hope she's doing ok at work, cuz I sure feel like ass today. Feel like I've been living in the bathroom all day.

Not a whole lot has happened. Sold the XM radio on ebay, got my bonds, applied for a few more jobs, getting ready for an interview on friday, and that's about it.

It's about damn time the weather finally changes. I'm so damn sick of cold and snow.

I've had GOW since friday and haven't played it at all. However, I am almost done with DMC3. So that's cool.

Blah blah blah. My life is ever so boring. I'm kinda bummed about family stuff. Kris is gonna be in chicago this weekend. Would've been nice to know a few weeks ago, and we probably could've met up with her. Money is tight anyway, so maybe not, but at least we could've tried. Another family issue is that Karen keeps mentioning how she thinks it's so fucked up that she isn't welcome at Tracy's dad's side wedding shower. Her parents are divorced. It would take all the fun and comfort out of the get together and it's just the way it is. However, I feel a little bad cuz she did have us over for Easter, which was nice and we thanked her emphatically. I just wish that she'd understand. I think it'd be different if her parents kept on good terms after their divorce, but they didn't. So that kinda makes her not welcome around her ex-husband's family. I don't want her to feel all bad, but I HATE it when she lashes out at Tracy about it and then gripes to me on the phone about how unwelcome she is to her daughter. That kinda hurts cuz I know how much Tracy loves her mom...so that kinda crap is so unfair. A wedding is hard enough, and Tracy doesn't need or deserve to have extra things heaped on it. It's hard enough even without having divorced parents, but Joan has been difficult here and there, and now her own mom is upset and doesn't understand why she isn't welcome at a get together involving Tom's side. I wish I could think of an elixir to the situation, but I don't think there is one. I can't spend my life trying to please everyone anyway...and neither should Tracy. Enuff about that.

I kinda hope my grandma doesn't come to our wedding. I realize how it'd kinda make my immediate family's vacation suck, and since my grampa died, my grandma doesn't really seem to like me. My grampa thought the world of me and all cuz I was his first grandson (after 3 older granddaughters), and since he died and then I had to leave while my dad was still in ICU in Lincoln, she hasn't been happy with me. And I'm not sure if she likes Tracy. The rest of my family LOVES her, which is cool. Well, maybe except for andrea, melissa, and tim, but nobody cares what they think.

well, if i'm gonna feel like shit, at least there should be a reason...maybe I should start drinkin!

oh..and btw...who farted?

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March 27th, 2005

12:50 am - dildo roadshow!
Today wasn't that bad of a day. I couldn't sleep last night, which sucked. Went to school...that was boring but I did learn a lot. Actually getting the grasp and making C++ sing for me. Pretty much finished all my homework for next week too. Workin pretty hard at school this quarter, and it seems to be paying off. I hated all the bullshit of just finishing assignments right before I had to rush off to school.

So...came home from school, finished my NCAA season...and took a nap. Then we got up and sat around and then ate at chili's. I had this chicken thing that had mushrooms under it, ham on top, and swiss cheese on top of that. It was great. So after that I played some DMC3. I got GOW yesterday, but still haven't even opened it. I'm thinking of going to a best buy or something just to play around with a PSP. I don't want one now cuz they have no cool games, but I may hafta get one eventually. We'll see how money and everything goes...that and I think my PS2 might take a shit sometime...it acts funny here and there.

Well...I guess we're having easter dinner at Karen's, which is cool. Kinda funny how a year ago at easter (although it was april 11-12th), I moved to michigan. A year before that, I was in the biggest firefight of Operation Iraqi Freedom.

So I have an interview on friday, and the home job thing came, so looking into that too. So the job thing is looking up a bit now. So that's good, school is good, and so it seems that it's one of those times in life where everything seems to be in it's place and all is well.

I think it was while I was driving home from school and was just admiring some scenery...trees, grass, sunlight...and do you ever have those moments where life is just so beautiful you can barely take it? I like to think of those moments as tiny slices of heaven. Literally. It's just so beautiful and everything is miraculous and so perfect...it's hard to articulate.

I guess in this posting things could be summed up by simply saying that today was a good day. The only bad thing about today...Tracy caught my very recent cigar fling, and I skipped the gym. I realize I shouldn't smoke, and I haven't since I quit, besides an occasional cigar. To me it's just a form of celebrating life. However, not only was doing the crime and hiding it from Tracy, I kinda lied about it when confronted...only without the kinda part. She doesn't deserve that. I'm going to to better. I feel compelled to do the best and be the best in all that I do, and that includes being a fiance..and a husband in a couple months. And I know you'll read this hun, and don't be mad at me or anything. I'm trying and I don't promise you that I'll try harder...I promise ME.

I can't think of much else. Tomorrow should be happy. Glory be to God and Happy Easter Everyone! Our sins are forgiven cuz God is merciful and loves us and Jesus suffered greatly for it. Too often I take that for granted. So besides praising the Lord, I think some video games, family, and some tv shows tomorrow night'll work out great. Happy Easter!

Time to go hunt some eggs, or an easter bunny, or both!

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March 25th, 2005

04:02 pm

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02:38 am
Not much for news today. Did schoolwork and that's about it. Keith called and we gotta talk for awhile, which was really cool. Caught up on math homework, already did my advanced vb and gui applications homework, and will do my c++ homework tomorrow.

I'm also going to do more job hunting tomorrow. Haven't done much in the past few days. Went back to the gym tonight and found out I've still lost weight even though I've only worked out twice in the past two weeks and cheated my diet a few days. So I'm finally back in the saddle with that.

My knee has really been hurting like a bitch. Guess that's what I get for being hurt on it for 2 and 1/2 years. Oh well, I'd rather have it hurt than the alternative. It's just that I wasn't about to ditch my unit and get sent somewhere else or get kicked out right before a war. I had a job to do dammit, and I was going to do it if it killed me (it almost did a few times), and I fucking well did it. I wasn't about to go crying away and get sent home like a shitload of marines did right before the war cuz they were pussies. Like this one guy who got kicked out right before the war because he couldn't shave...he'd get razor bumps. Then he claimed his mom was real sick and he needed to go home and look after family. He got medically discharged (so he didn't hafta fight a war, AND now he gets disability pay for the rest of his life) and then a week afterward we saw him back on base....shaved...saying he decided to not go back home and to stay out in cali. It's people like that that just royally piss me off. Why can't people just man up and take some responsibility in life? Damn right there were times I was scared over there...damn near died a few times. Almost got shot in the head if it weren't for Tim. Almost had an enemy mortar land right on top of us on two different occasions. We were all scared here and there, but like I even said at the time...I'd rather die in a war in a shithole in iraq than spend the rest of my life as a coward. It'd be the lesser evil by far in my mind. So my point is, I didn't bitch out. So now I have a fucked up knee. Oh well. I'd still rather have a bad knee than be disgraced, dishonored, and feel like a coward for the rest of my life.

So tomorrow I get GOW (God of War). If you don't know what that is, look it up. It's gonna be fuckin sweet. My thing is though, that I still have 2 games to finish in my NCAA Football 2005 season, and I still hafta finish the last 9 or 10 levels of Devil May Cry 3 (hardest game ever). So I'll probly just try out GOW once or twice and finish my other games first. I have a bad habit of that.

Found out earlier tonight at school that I am indeed at the top of my class. So that's a cool thing. I'm already working a LOT harder this quarter than last. I realize I slacked off way too much last quarter, so I'm turning all my labs and projects and everything in on time and staying the whole 4-5hrs of class too. I want to stay at the top of my class. I need to prove to myself that I am as smart as I need to be. Especially after the Marines. I felt so stupid at times, and I did really well in high school, so I need it for me. I want to be the best at what I do regardless. Is that so bad? I'm wondering philosophically what it means to want to be the best.

On one hand, it implies jealousy and all the backstabbing bullshit that being #1 sometimes implies. However, I'm hardly a backstabber....and jealous? sometimes. So if you read this, tell me what it means to want to be the best. I wanna hear your thoughts on this. And DON'T make it like all the other times I ask people to post about something on my LJ and nobody does. I KNOW there's around 3 or 4 people out there that read this from time to time so POST YOUR THOUGHTS ON IT. Cuz when I ask you to and nobody does, it kinda pisses me off and I feel kinda like I'm pissing up a tree with this whole LJ thing.

Anyhow...i don't mean to sound all forceful, but I just need help sometimes like everyone else. And we can't always analyze ourselves as well as others can.

Time for me to fuck off. I'll check back in tomorrow most likely.

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March 23rd, 2005

11:41 pm - Poop is a palindrome!
Same shit, different day. Renee called Tracy, so it was cool that they gotta talk. And Tom is being really awesome with wedding stuff, saving us tons of grief. I think everything'd be cool now if I could just get ahold of Keith.

Nothing's changed on the job thing. Still looking and today's one of my worrisome days about it. Hoping and praying and still trying. It's all I can do really.

So I'm pretty sure that tomorrow or friday I get GOW. That'll be cool. Clips from it look awesome, so I'll be really disappointed if it sucks.

Tomorrow is school again. Advanced VB. Then C++ again on saturday. It feels a LOT better being a 23yr old and walking around with books that say "advanced" on them than "intro to". That and it's pretty cool knowing how to program now. Just simple things like syntax now. Pretty cool finally carrying around a C++ book too. Finally makes me feel a little smart for once. Speakin of which, got another honor roll certificate from school in the mail today. Whooptee fuck. Maybe they'll cut me a scholarship for my 2nd year since I'm at the top of my class. That'd be sweet.

I haven't been to the gym in almost a week again. And that was the first time in forever. So basically I've been to the gym about once or twice in the past two weeks. I need to get back on track all around cuz I know if I just stick with the diet and working out, I'll lose the weight.

So Tracy doesn't like my balls. That kinda sucks, but I am how I am I guess. If they're too big, so be it.

I kinda found a new hobby. I've been downloading ROMS for a sega genesis emulator. So basically I'm playing games again that I used to enjoy 10 to 12 years ago! That and I finally started reorganizing one of the HDs on the puter. It was getting kinda nasty disorganized. Getting better now though.

I was originally gonna rant on some military and other stuff, but I think I'll save it for tomorrow or friday or something. Not in the mood for a rant right now. I think I'll work on my math a little instead...

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