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May 4th, 2005

11:53 pm
Work is going ok. It's a good job. I guess a lot of other people applied and they hired just me and another girl. Everyone there is really cool. My boss is awesome. I found out today they're moving the business a few miles away by the end of next month. That sucks cuz it's only 3 miles away and takes me about 10-15 minutes to get there...now it'll take 30min. On the plus side, on school days it'll be a lot closer.

Ryan is going to get Caroline tomorrow and they'll be here friday night. I'm happy that their car troubles got figured out. I'm happy for them. I toldja they were getting married and come to find out...they will...eventually.

Our money problems really aren't over now that I have a job. It'll take a good month to 2 months to be totally caught up and have extra money, but that's ok. It was worth the wait finding a good job and all. I'm kinda stressed about the school thing though. I've skipped 3 of my last 4 classes. So this week it's time to pay the piper and get caught up. I'm also shittin cuz I need a cosigner to keep going to school. Hopefully that works out. And my application for federal student aid is sure to get shot down. I guess they figure if you make more than 10,000 a year you don't qualify. That's bullshit that I bust my ass more than a lot of lazy students out there, am constantly on the honor roll, and hafta pay more and get zero help. They better do something for me for being at the top of my class, cuz otherwise why am I working so hard to get A's and B's?

So that's about it in my pitiful little life. Work, sleep, and school. Getting used to working again, and I'm going to start going to the gym again in the next few days...and I really do mean it. Today was dad's 54th birthday. I called home and he was in a good mood. I guess Andrea is bringing her bf Rob (nobody's met him yet) to our wedding. And sounds like the rest of my immediate family will make it. I hope nobody'll be pissed that I can only take a couple days off work. Dad seemed surprised I knew they were having pineapple upside-down cake. Of course they would...it's my dad's favorite. Then he asked me what his favorite pie was...easy...pecan. I love that man. Somedays I think about how terrible our relationship was...how we'd about beat the shit out of each other daily. How we couldn't be in the same room...some of the words we exchanged in hate...and it makes me wanna cry. I wish I could take back those days of hating and disrespecting and being a little shit to my dad. I've grown to love him as my dad, a man, and my friend. He's easily the greatest man I've ever met. I've told him that someday I hope to be half the man he is. I guess all the bad stuff is in the past, cuz we're buds now. Man I love that guy. Keith too. Those are two of maybe only a handful of guys that I can say I love.

Sooo...I think that's about it. I'm gonna try keep up with posting, but we'll see. The cold I caught from Ruth at work has kinda kicked my ass all week, but I'm getting better. Life finally feels good. I'm not depressed, I think I'm losing weight again, Ryan and Caroline are moving in so we can hang out, and I feel like there IS a reason to get out of bed now that I have a job. Shit is good.

God I love God.

Peace to my friends!

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April 30th, 2005

10:01 pm
So i should prolly finally write in this thing after a week.

Um...I've been skipping a lot of school lately, but a week from now I hope to be completely caught up and all will be well.

I really wanna move into the 2 bedroom apartment Tracy found. That place looks really cool. Guess we'll hafta wait til after the wedding.

Work is going great, everyone I work with is so cool. The job is just awesome, it's like a dream job. So everything that way is great.

Besides that, there's not a lot going on. Tom Osborne is gonna run for governor. That snow last week was some bullshit. I miss those 70 and 80 degree days. I want those back.

Wow. Amazing how my postings when nothing was going on in my life were so long and now a lot has kinda happened, and I can't think of much.

I'm gonna try and go to church tomorrow. Tony starts the race in 11th and desperately needs a good week after 3 bad ones. And that's about it.


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April 23rd, 2005

11:22 pm - Poopy Time!
I guess today could be looked at in a variety of ways. It's been snowing and raining and shitty outside all day, Tony had another bad week...his car had all kinds of problems, and I need a cosigner for a student loan by june 1st.

However, I'm not that bummed. School was ok, had a nap, rented movies, made Tracy watch Three Amigos (she'd never seen it) and made Ryan watch Napoleon Dynamite. Hopefully we can still go to church in the morning. I'm still fucking ELATED that I finally have a GOOD job. It really sounds like this place is out to take care of their workers. Nights and weekends off, getting over a dollar more an hour than my ex job...looks good. I don't give a shit if they have me linking paper clips all day, I'll gladly do it.

So Ryan got his plane ticket and him and Carolyn'll be moving in in 13 days. We really need to get this place picked up and make some room for their stuff. I think it'll be ok. Our apartment is gonna be really tiny for 4 people, but it's better this way than to just go ahead and get a 2 bedroom apartment and then have it not work out with the 4 of us. So probly sometime right after the wedding we'll move. I hope to shit my credit'll be good enough for that. We'll see. I think Ryan and Carolyn are cool and they like us, so it should work out great. Then we can all hang out all the time and they don't hafta pay near as much as we've had to for rent and we won't even hafta pay as much...everyone wins.

I'm a little bummed that no good video games are coming out anytime soon. I'll probly pick up a football game this summer and hopefully Starcraft: Ghost FINALLY comes out in september. But that's about it.

I really do wanna thank God and everyone for thoughts and prayers regarding the job situation. You don't need to hear me bitch and complain and be depressed about it anymore! But really, I can't thank you people who helped me out with thoughts and prayers. You know who you are. I wish I could describe how thankful I am. You people are great friends.

So....I'm thinkin only 26 more days til Star Wars ep 3. It better be an improvement over the other two prequels. The first one sucked, and the second was fucking boring up until the end. This one looks promising though.

I'm thinkin with this job thing...if I'm gonna hafta start work everyday mon-fri at 9am...I might as well get up at 7 or 7:30 and go to the gym before work. I think it'd be a good routine to get into.

Ryan has taught me the goodness of the CKY videos. The band rawks, but didn't know the videos were so funny. That and Madden NFL 2005 is very very stank. Today marks the first time in awhile I've lost to the system on a football game...and it was because of a shitty call. Damn bastards. I'm gonna grudge match the shit out of it yet this weekend.

Welllllll...time for me to fuck off! Laterz.

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April 21st, 2005

01:20 pm
Well. Needless to say, today is a good day. Thanks God, Thanks Tracy, Thanks Ashley, Thanks Raych, Thanks Ryan, Thanks everyone else. I start Monday at 9am at Autumn Cashmere.

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April 20th, 2005

12:40 am
Well. Another day. Nothing happened. Besides me getting really bummed that autumn cashmere didn't call. EVERYONE else did though. Does that just happen to me or is it when you're waiting for a call, that's when everyone else does?

So i've been bummed today. Tracy and I are starting to argue. I think it's cuz i'm tired of doing her laundry and yelling at me all the time when she knows I've had a bad day. Anyway...

I really hope they call tomorrow. I need a job and we need the money now and I just need it. The only reason I can think that I wouldn't get it is that they called my last job and found out I walked out and quit. That or they found someone with more experience, but that never seemed to be something they were strongly looking for. Ashley tells me that employers aren't allowed to disclose a lotta stuff about former employees, so if anyone can elaborate more, please comment. And I can keep using thoughts and prayers too, and thanks for those. I wish I could thank you guys enough.

I have such cool friends. Thanks. All of you.

So not much else for news. Schoolwork is done and all. It got really hot today...like over 82 outside, so naturally our apartment was even hotter. So we finally turned the air on for a couple hours to cool our place down to get some sleep. I'm going to the dealership with Ryan on thursday so he won't be stuck there. Tracy got a couple more cards from family people. And we're gonna go to one of Joey's baseball games this weekend. Probly saturday since tracy's going to her grandma's on sunday. I might go too since the race is on saturday night. I like night races.

I've been kinda depressed today about the job thing. I'm still keeping the faith cuz I won't ever turn my back on or hate God for anything ever, it's just that I wish His plan would work faster in me getting a job. I guess I've just been throwing a pity party for myself cuz I've been feeling worthless.

Tomorrow'll be a better day. All it'll take to make my year is a simple phone call and a "you're hired" Silly how sometimes we can be so satisfied by the simplest of actions? I'm a weirdo. Bedtime!

Take carez peoplez. Much love.

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April 18th, 2005

12:06 am
So I figure it's about time we have a talk, LJ. It's been a couple days and a bit has happened.

Ryan and Carolyn are gonna end up living here for awhile as a trial period. The four of us get along great, so that's cool. I guess my only concern is that our apartment isn't that big...so 4 people living here hopefully won't last long. It either won't work out or it will and we'll all move into a bigger apartment. I just kinda figured it seemed like the best thing to do. The right thing to do. This way Tracy and I'll actually have friends around, it'll help everyone monetarily, and Ryan and Carolyn can be together. Everyone wins.

Tony led around 53 laps today, then was in 7th place when his car blew up with 39 laps to go. He got his first DNF of the season, 1st degree burns on his wrist and 2nd degree burns on the back of his thigh. Hopefully he'll be ok. This is the 2nd week in a row he hasn't finished well.

Ryan is spending the night tonight, which is cool. They're watching Tarzan right now. I'm not much into disney movies anymore, so I'm trying to maintain a balance of not being terribly bored and not being antisocial.

Called home and all is well. Kinda let my parents know how we're not doing well financially, but I didn't ask for anything. So I feel a bit better. Now I just wish I could get this job so I wouldn't hafta lie to them anymore about still working at BB.

Speakin of which, tomorrow Autumn Cashmere will receive my 2nd thank-you-for-interviewing-me letter. Both were written from a sincere thank you and professional standpoint, and not a ass kiss thing. I doubt many people send those anymore. I'm praying HARD that I get this job. They'll let me know sometime this week. The only reason I can think of that they wouldn't hire me is they want more experience...but that never seemed to be a thing they were strongly looking for. So either way, now is the time I REALLY need thoughts and prayers! If you can spare them, I can use them.

Another person that can probably use some prayers is Rachel. She has mine. She was crying on the phone last night and I felt so bad. I wanted to reach right through the phone and give her a big hug. It'll be ok one way or the other. I hate it when friends are upset and everything...especially when you can't physically be there for them. I hope she's having better days.

Well, that's about all I can think of for now. School's going ok, everything's pretty much fine besides the money thing and the job thing. The job thing will hopefully turn around if they decide to hire me this week. It would make my year if they would. I would about kill for them to hire me. I'd LOVE to not hafta work nights and weekends anymore. That'd be so awesome. And just having a job'd fix so many problems around here.

I really need to get back to the gym. So I think I'll go tomorrow night. I haven't been in almost a month, so I'm sure I'm back up to around 250...maybe more. It's so fucking disheartening not being able to lose weight. I work out hard, but then my fucked up knee gives me problems...so it kinda feels like I'm screwed no matter what I do. Oh well...I guess if I get this job I can wait a couple months and see a doctor and get my knee fixed. Another reason I need a job soon.

Well...I'll stop rambling. Please help with the thoughts and prayers if you can. Chances are VERY well that if you're reading this, I'm praying and thinking of you too, cuz I love all you crazies. Take care and everything. God loves all of you!

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April 15th, 2005

01:51 pm
Dear God,

I know you've helped me tons in the past and have always been awesome at caring for my silly ass. I know I've asked a lot of you in the past, but asked little for myself. It's just that...Tracy and I need help now. I need a job, we're having money troubles and life is at a hard spot right now. If it's in your will, please help us. I know there's sick and starving people and people with a LOT more troubles than us, but if you can, help us.

I can't ask things of you and only include myself. So as always, please be with my friends and family. Namely my grandma, parents, siblings, Tracy, Ashley, Rachel, Melissa, Diego, Ryan, and all the other friends I won't type out here for the sake of brevity. Thanks for blessing me with such great people in my life. Shine your will and grace upon them and let them know that we both love them.

Thanks for forgiveness for all the messed up things I've done. I really can't express how bad I feel for the terrible deeds I've done. And yet you take me back time and time again. Thanks for your love, God. Thanks for letting me feel it daily and know that you're there for me. I know there's a friend that doesn't really believe in you, but help him find the path. Help me conduct your will whenever possible. Help me be good and do good in your name.

Thanks for everything, God. I love you more than I even know. So if it's in your will and it's ok and all, please be with my friends, help me and tracy and give us solace, and allow me to be your worker and messenger to conduct your will and bring goodness, help, comfort, and anything else I can to those that need it in your name. I love you.

Your faithful servant,


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01:40 pm
I hope it's a good sign at an interview when they seem to slip up and start talking like they're hiring you a couple times. They said they had a couple more interviews to do and they'd decide next week. So if you can, hope and pray along with me. I need it.

So the first 60 days of me not having a job we were pretty fine money wise. But now we have car insurance due next month (should be around $900). Even though I've never been in an accident insurance wise and never gotten a ticket. So now the credit cards and cell phone haven't been paid. It's the kind of thing where it comes down to groceries and rent, or credit card bills. So this is kinda destroying my good credit and one of the cards keeps calling. I want to answer the phone and at least tell them something...the check is in the mail, or let em know the truth or some shit. Then there's the stress of wedding shit...ugh.

I'm half tempted to call home and ask for help from my parents. I REALLY don't want to. I know for damn sure they've helped all their other kids. I guess that since the Marines, I have a REALLY hard time asking my parents for anything. I realize how much they've already done for me. That and I guess getting their help is like admitting defeat. I just...I dunno. I already feel like a failure. Just thinking about it is about enough to make me break down.

Like I told Tracy last night, if I knew I'd be out of work for damn near 3 months, I never would've quit. I was only supposed to be out of a job for a couple weeks. But Michigan has the 2nd highest unemployment rate right behind Ohio...just south of us. That and I'm a marine and I guess I thought that'd look good on paper. Guess not. I guess it just hurts realizing how If I hadn't of quit, we'd still be doing perfectly fine. So instead of throwing a complete pity party for myself, I think I'll swallow some pride and start applying at some restaurants or something. Even a part time job'd help until I find something.
I pray that Autumn Cashmere hires me. I want that job so bad for so many reasons. I try not to get my hopes up, but it's already gonna break my heart if they don't hire me. Pray for it. Please. Tracy and I need prayers no moreso than ever. Between monetary and wedding stress, it's taxing. We've even started fighting more and everything. It sucks, cuz we both hate being at odds with each other. We just need this to go away. We need me to get this job and everything'd be better.

School is going ok. Got all my work for my one class done last night. Dan came back last night, so I'm glad for that. He missed like 3 weeks in a row. I was praying that he was ok and all, cuz if a student drops out from my school, they still hafta pay the complete tuition and no credits transfer. So schoolwise I hafta do my math class and finish 10 homework questions by 8am tomorrow.

Sooooo...if anyone can spare prayers or knows a generous someone with around $1000 to finish paying bills and get our account out of the negative, let me know. But seriously...we just need thoughts and prayers.
And if anyone could spare some advice, that'd be good too. Cuz I dunno if I should ask my parents for help or not, or what to do.

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April 12th, 2005

12:27 am
I finished GOW a 2nd time. Then I finished "challenge of the gods" mode. That was a real bitch. So now I figure I might as well go through the game on the hardest difficulty to finish unlocking everything. It's gonna be a pain in my ass, but hopefully it'll be worth it.

We got all our crap arranged in the kitchen and most of the dishes we're giving away are packed up. I got another job interview for a bank on friday. But it's far away like radioshack was...almost 20 miles one way. So that sucks.

Tracy and me have been bitching at each other today. That sucks. I got my taxes redone, and it'll end up paying out another $1000-1200. It just sucks cuz it'll take 6-8 weeks and it already cost too much money that we don't have. I hate money.

Marc Miller called earlier. He's still in cali (he's from there anyway). He's an electrician and doing ok. Turns out 2/5 got back a week ago. They're all ok. I guess they're handing out medals like candy, which is kinda bullshit, cuz I worked my ass off and stepped up and did a good job at performing the job ABOVE me and didn't get awarded a damn thing. I guess lcpl (maybe cpl) souza got shot the first day they wre over there...he was another one I was in charge of. I guess he's ok though.

So tomorrow i'll probly do some math and finish my C++ classes. We also need to clean our place. I'm getting so sick of it being a pigsty all the time. Especially after a couple months ago I went crazy cleaning and organizing EVERYTHING...only to have it fall back into dusty disarray.

I haven't been to the gym in almost a month, so that's really bad. I'm gonna try and go in the morning. I think it's better to work out in the morning. That way you're not working out at the end of the day and being all tired and giving yourself the tired excuse to not work out. Also, I think I heard working out in the morning sets your metabolism for the whole day, and people stick to it better. So tomorrow I'll see about getting my ass back there.

I really hope my interview on thursday goes well. I REALLY want this job. Not even so much cuz we need the money, but I really like how this job sounds and the pay, hours...and the simple fact that I need a better way of occupying my day. Playing video games all day isn't a good way to define one's life. I guess in retrospect the past couple unemployed months I have learned a lot about myself. I need to work though.

Tracy got a pregnancy test, cuz she's been late for forever. She's not preggy. Big sigh. I'm far from ready to be a dad, or give a child the kind of life I want to. I forgot to call home. Damn. I guess tomorrow'll do.

ANYway...thoughts and prayers to the friends and loved ones reading this. Although, if you're my friend, you are a loved one....so...well, whatever. I'll shut up. Take care!

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April 10th, 2005

10:19 pm
Whoa. Aunt Diane is so fucking cool I'll never be able to describe it. I'd kill for that woman.

So the shower went ok. Kinda felt like a chode for awhile cuz me and Tracy were the only ones wearing jeans for the first couple hours, till her uncle Paul, Ryan, and Tom got there. I felt bad for her coworkers, they seemed bored, but hell...I about fell asleep a couple times. I gotta watch part of the race...the part where Tony finished 26th and 6 or 7 laps down cuz a tire fell off...he led the most laps...and a tire falls off. Fuck his tire man. Piece of shit. Also watched Tiger Woods win his tournament thingie. So everything went ok. Got some REALLY expensive wedding shower stuff. Altogether, the dishes alone are worth around $240. Then a $200 set of pots, and all kindsa stuff. I'm kinda amazed at how all out people went. I hope they know how appreciated it is because sometimes I think a simple thank you just doesn't cut it because "thank you" can be too overused or insincere from some people. I really do appreciate all the trouble these people went through for Tracy and I. Especially her Aunt Diane, which I very well may refer to as St. Diane from now on.

So tomorrow we need to wash all our old dishes and get em together cuz Ryan and Carolyn are getting them. I figured before we even asked that those two could use them and it'd save them some money when they get their place cuz she's moving up here in a month or two. And turns out...they do want them. So tomorrow we getta do dishes and rearrange our kitchen and try out some new (and very expensive) cookware. We get to clean our place too.

I figured I'd probably call home tomorrow. I wanted to tonight, but we didn't even get home until after 8pm. So we were at the shower for over 6hrs. Damn. I really didn't like Tracy's cousin's girlfriend...or one of her cousins...they seemed really in their own asses and all "we're better than you."

So besides that, all seems well. School's good, got that 2nd interview on thursday, gonna redo taxes tomorrow. Life is well. Hope everyone else's day went ok. Chances are if you're reading this, you're in my thoughts and prayers. Take care!

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